Over Due Ramblings

I ran 6 miles of this 15k without my shoes

Hi there. Yes, it really is me. I know it's been awhile.  I ran a few fun races last year, ran part of a 15k without shoes, DNF in a race I always run because of severe leg pain, participated in a running series, got some cool swag, ran a couple half marathons, got to run in Annapolis along the Chesapeake Bay, lots of runs with my runner girl-Hill Dynamo, I developed dreaded PF - didn't run a bunch of races or miles at all because of it, ran my first Turkey Trot and it was the first race after recovering from PF, have slowing been working on increasing my miles and fighting winter, and I adopted a hashtag for myself!

Here's a few pics from last year. Scroll on by if you're not interested.

Sock after 6 miles running "barefoot"

one of my runs in early spring. I love running this hill! I only did the first hill that day, it's three miles to the top.  

Me and My Musician out for a rare run together

Chesapeake Bay

Medal #1 in a series of the bridges in the Bridge Run half marathon

OMG, we ran to PA.
Ok so it's only a few miles away! 

Hanging at Starbucks as part of our trip to the local half marathon expo 

Bridge Run half marathon

Bridge Run half marathon

Herald of Victory Half marathon.  Little did I know this sweet girl that I helped out the last half of the race would become one of my clients. 

I love the bling from this half

My Biggest Struggle 

Today I'm really not writing to write about my running. I'm writing to talk about a different aspect of my fitness. My weight. I went back to work in Sep 2016. I wasn't able to run much at all until January. Then in January I went back to school full time (only for a semester) but the stress of having a full time job I hated (I love where I was working, just not the job) and not running like I'm used to saw the weight creeping up.  Then I switched jobs within the company, summer hit and I was starting to have intense pain in my leg.  By July I had full blown plantar fasciitis and with the wise wisdom of my Fast Bitches group, I stopped all running. 

I am a summer runner. I love the heat and the humidity. I'm alive in the summer. It's my favorite time to run and I couldn't run a step. I was so depressed. Depression leads to no energy, Netflix binging and snacking for me. 

All excuses, I know. But now months later, I'm trying to increase my mileage for an upcoming half marathon and every step is a struggle. I feel extra weight by the fatigue of my legs and the difficulty I'm having in breathing. 

My roller coaster the last year

But the worst is how I physically feel all day. It doesn't matter how well I eat, I'm constantly feeling full and bloated. Nothing fits me right. I'm more tired than I have ever been.  Losing weight has always come fairly easy to me. But now that I'm 45 (very shortly to be turning 46) losing weight does not come easy. I go down three pounds and back up 5. 

I'm currently trying to find foods that are filling, high in protein and healthy fats and fall into what I can eat. I don't eat soy, I can't eat gluten or dairy (I can eat small amounts of cheese). I have a severe sugar addiction that I'm really trying to get away from. Most days are a success but then somehow a Snickers gets into my hands and the next couple days are bad.  I try to make light of it but the truth is my self control has been the worst it's ever been.  

I'm sharing because the more people that know I'm struggling with my weight and the depression that is coming out of it, the more I'm likely to think twice before letting that Snickers have space in my life. 

And I'm sharing because I know I'm not alone in this struggle. I know others are struggling to be fit and healthy. I know we can all achieve that goal but I also believe we can't do it alone. 

I don't want to be skinny. I want to be a healthy weight, a weight that I'm comfortable in my skin, a weight that I feel good about. The 163-167 pounds that I'm fluctuating between is not the weight that makes me feel healthy and comfortable with me.  

I found this picture today.  I don't often find pictures of me I like. I was not at what I consider my goal weight but I was fit and strong.  

This is the Kirsten I want to be again.  

#BeTheLion